why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
