My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
