Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
