I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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