We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
