it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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