the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
