I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
