just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
