Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
