Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I could fuck to npr.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
