you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
