Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
