when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sarcasm needs its own font
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
