what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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