hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
