he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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