im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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