i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
