There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
