I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
