..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
