Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I skipped work to stalk him.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize