I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
