When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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