then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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