Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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