the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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