Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
