i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
