I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
