What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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