his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Vodka?
Forever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
