I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
