What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
