were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
