is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
