oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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