Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
