dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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