no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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