Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
