u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
