I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
