I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
