You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
