If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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