I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
