Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
