I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
