It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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