remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
