Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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