you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
