are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
