The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
