either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
