hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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