Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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