69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
