you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
