WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
