I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
