So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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