Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize