I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
