Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize