The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize