my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
