Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
