You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
