Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
