i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
soo... how was my night?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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