I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
