I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
