why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
