I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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