I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
