I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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