i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
