its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
