Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
