He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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