I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
