Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize