Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
