I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize