actually, I'm a sock model
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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