i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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