Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
